Sometimes

I wish someone would just end my life for me.

Through all gates of all types

Hells gate, Heavens gate, Deaths gate...Limbos gate. I have gone through everything except the one thing I'm planning on doing in the next few years. I'm going through the gate of war, it's my time to serve this nation but I can't remember what I'm fighing for anymore. All of the people I met here all seem to rip me apart and use me like I'm just a puppet. People don't care about me very much and oddly I don't care about anyone but really myself anymore. So they fucked me up pretty good and I think I'm just gonna go, it's quite obvious I'm not welcome here. I'm not fighting for anyone, not for my country, not for the hell of it, I'm fighting to forget and move on. Maybe when I go out to fight I will make real friends that don't fuck me up. I can't wait to get out of this hell hole they call a civilized nation.

I'm not going to college with anyone I think I have pretty much descided and I'm joining up as soon as I get out. I'm not gonna tell anyone I'm leaving and I hope they all end up hating me because I don't care anymore really. I'm not gonna be there for my angel, I can't take care of anything but myself...I don't want to deal with others anymore because they always seem to break me like I'm just an old toy then they just toss me away. The people I'm gonna leave behind should be fine without me and they will all forget sooner or later. I have hope and I hope to get out of here as soon as I can so I can do what I have been doing every life I lived.

I'm sorry angel but I think it's just not worth it being here anymore because what do I really have? Don't have anything but me and you as a FRIEND. And I'm not gonna deal with you being there with another guy so fuck that shit I'm out. Btw I loved your blog you posted, it made me feel great knowing that you did this for yourself. You made me snap finally so now I don't need anyone just a gun and ammo. I love you but I don't think you love me the same way back anymore.

Have fun getting married to someone that isnt me and I'm gonna kill some guys for you in your name, I hope the people I kill have families ^___^ BYE BYE!!!

The voices

Why do you even try anymore? I mean you can't seem to do one thing right, everyone hates you and betrays you, you should end it before you screw up more.

Get your revenge and show them that they should have been better, they are evil, give them a taste of what they have done to you.

Give yourself a chance, your still young, you can turn your life around, one day things will clear up so don't lose hope.

They hate you and you should hate them right back, they are the enemy so why don't you treat them as such, give them hell.

If you can't be a family man then go out and make an actual difference, fight for what's right and protect your homeland so maybe then you will be loved.

I tell you these things are gonna happen yet you still go with it like they are actually going to work, listen to me for once and get your damn head out of the clouds, deal with your damn problems.

They never cared, I mean why would they, look at them, they all left you one way or another...you just were not ever meant to be loved.

Why can't I just live normally and not have this curse that makes me go crazy, this love thing is just so tiring, I wish I could make it all just go away.

I can't stop the fear, sorrow, anger, hate, insanity, pain, or any of those damn emotions. Wish those feelings would just stop.

I wonder, question, think, understand, go too far, lose control, and continue to think...and think...and think.

Stop thinking and understand this, you only have two choices, love or hate, life or death, peace or war, victory or defeat.

Which one?

Or is that choice not up to you?

Can you even say you control your own mind?

Are you a slave of life or are you just controlled by people that seek to control you?

Only you can control your destiny, only you can make yourself happy, you want to feel loved then get out there and get a girl that loves you.

Then again maybe your just condemned to repeat this history of defeats, maybe your just not to be loved.

Well are you gonna listen to me or are you gonna listen to you...then again I am you.

-Voices in my mind

Final words

With recent events I will not make anymore blogs so goodbye and fear the future, I will actually leave you with one last blog.

Square one...again, again, again, and again

I can't seem to stop ending back up where I started at square one. That place makes me feel like I'm the lowest form of the living ever to have been born into the this place we know as reality. That terrible place...square one has caused me pain beyond anyone I known has ever been through, one of the people I know comes close to knowing square one. But I know that place like it has been my best friend my whole life and it has to be honest. I have known square one forever and I was first introduced to it when I was four years of age, people made fun of me all the time and that made my heart harden and my hate grow early on in my life, my first taste of humans outside my own home was evil and it made me realize that life was no walk in the park. Then my girlfriends, numbers one, two, and three made me feel a pain that forever scars my inner being. I was cheated, betrayed, hurt, abused, forgotten, abandoned. And I knew they would do it to, that they would send me to square one, that voice told me to stop before it hurt me but I never listened to it. Square one slowly and painfully make me go insane, that pain I can't take, it's too much for me to deal with. Every single time I end up in that place it gets worse, at first it just made me feel hate upon others, made me naturally violent, made me hate myself, made me lose hope. Then my fourth girlfriend came along and got me out of that place, she was perfect, still is, always will be in my eyes. One day something happened and I thought that it would be good if I left her and it turns out I was wrong, every other time I should have backed out of my relationships but this one I shouldn't of. Leaving her might of been good for her but it wasn't good for me, I should have been greedy and kept her. I regret everything I said and I want her back, and my reason is because this mistake which happens to be the biggest one I ever made just sent me back to square one. I want my perfect girl back, take back what I said that night, get out of square one. If not then send me home because I know that if I can't have the most perfect girl that no other girl will work . I was stupid and if I can't fix this mistake then I deserve what square one is gonna give me, I will return home.

Hate and Hope

Two things that rule over how I work as a person. I am mainly very hateful of all people and I still do kinda, and then there is hope which is like a small fire in my heart that burns to keep me from losing myself. I hope that  angel keeps her promises and will go out with me in the future, I feel like I deserve that, I mean I did nothing wrong so it's not like I don't deserve it. And I hope me and my one friend here can work until I see angel again and when she goes out with me again...I hope. Because I really want angel, I want to marry her, have a life with her, family, all that. Only thing I hate is that Screamo guy aka my damn nemesis, as good as he might be he will have to fight me to have angel forever because I called her first. So bring it Screamo, try beating me, you have no chance, I was born to fight, you were born to play music...you do the math you fuckin rat.

Game over for now...

Well me and angel broke up and reason is that we are too far away and are gonna be waiting a while to be together. I did the breaking up part of it all which was not very hard but was not fun. She will now go out with that Screamo bitchass for a bit until I see angel in college. I will get my angel back and I will get my revenge on that asshole I promise that. I hope that angel keeps her promises she made me because I still want her as a love not a friend. Gonna be hard knowing those two are together...fucking pos bastard that he is. Well see you in the future angel and get ready to get stolen by me...all over again. And Screamo I hope you love what your future brings because your future is not gonna be with her as a lover that is. You better keep your promises angel because it's not gonna be you or me that's gonna pay for if you are gonna break them.

1000 miles away

From where the fight is, down there in that place I never seen, in that place where the one I love is, that place that gets me scared more then anything could. There's a threat that I can't take care of that I can't fend off this boy much like me is threatening my future as I know it. He is trying to steal the love of my life away from me, he may very well be able to do that. I'm not there to make a difference, to stop what is happening, all I have is words and no actions...this battle is an up hill fight for me. I'm screwed, I'm done, he's just as good as I am if not better, I can't stop him. My damn love as I know her has a damn crush on him even so what's it worth anymore, I knew this would happen and there is nothing I could do to stop it. Why did I even try? Why do I even try? I'm doomed, damned, cluster fucked, done. Where's my place in this world? I have been lead so many different directions I can't remember what the fuck happened to me, I'm fucked up so much my mind talks to me as if I'm a different person. I try to love people and all they ever did was betray, ignore, and use me as if I was there slave. I don't deserve to lose another, not this one, not to some rat. I love my angel too much, if I lose her she tells me I will live my life fine well in my mind I will go back to square one. I will be back to my ultra hateful, silent, sad, angry state of mind. I just want top be loved, is that too much to ask? Hotness if I lose you I won't be fine, I won't be sane, I won't feel loved anymore. All I want is to be loved, I was hated my entire life so far, nobody cares but my damn parents. You are the only other person that cares hotness. I want to be loved, I want to love you, I want to marry you, and live a life together with you. But so does he doesn't he? You might already be done with me and are just trying to think of a way to dump me softly well if that's the case then get it over with. If you want to be with him instead of me make your decision before spring because I don't want to see you if you love him. And if you do end up with him well have fun with him and forget you ever met me because the day you dump me will be the last day you ever hear from me ever again. Next time you will ever hear of me I will be a war hero so maybe then I will be loved and remembered. So hotness it's me or him so it's your choice but hey can you please just give me a chance? I won't ask for anything ever again so please give me a chance? I don't ask for much but it's up to you. I love you and I hope you will always love me back as lovers.

My life

Life, my life has been never what I wanted it to be, way back when I was little I remember all the bad and less of the good and how much I wanted things different. I was made fun of for the first time when I was four years old it has been that way all through my life. I kinda have gotten used to it, yeah the scars were left on my personality but I'm immune to words of assholes now. When I was in sixth grad I got my first girlfriend who broke up with me in seventh grade because she like someone else. My dad had heart attacks around this time I believe which I didn't really understand what they were at the time. My last grandfather died and it was the first time someone ever died in my life that was close to me, I was ten when this happened I think. Got my second girlfriend in eighth grad who broke up with me in a few months due to lack of interest. Ninth grade I got my third girlfriend who scared me for life and died in tenth grade. I got into some fights, became a twig, started wearing darker cloths, etc. I got depressed, angry hateful and I wanted to die. I met my fourth girlfriend who is my current girlfriend and she is loving me. I learned a lot about life, love, etc and I started making sense of things to the best I can. I'm trying to keep my girlfriend forever which seems to get harder and harder instead of easier. So much bad things can happen like that EMP or something else, I feel that the world is against me. I want to keep her, I don't want to be some phase, I want this to work. But as much as I want to make this relationship work, I just feel so uneasy about it. I want this to work out I won't be able to live with myself is something went wrong, I'm gonna make this work if it kills me. This relationship isn't some damn joke, it's real and I plan on keeping it that way. May God be with me, someone anyone, just wish me luck because this is not gonna be easy.

She is...

So sexy, I'm so happy to be her boyfriend I get on my knees for her and strip...yup I'm a slut.  She's got the most hottest and sexiest thoughts ever, they make me die a little. I'm her pet, I'm her boy, she owns me, I'm her property, she gets to do whatever she wants with me. I can't wait to see her sexy body doing things to mine ^___^ I feel like it's kinda bad to write this on here but wth. I'm so lucky to have her she's perfect in every way possible it make me want to die in a good way. I don't think I will be able to keep my hands off of her when I see her, I just want to play a little bit. Well  I gotta cut this short but the point is Hotness is the hottest girl evar and I'm hers forever. I love you hotness, please abuse my body often in the future byeeeeeeee.

Bisexual

So my biggest secret that nobody knows about except my one friend and my girlfriend hotness who btw only found this out a few days ago, she found out that I'm bi mainly because we were playing 100 questions. So I'm not proud of it or nothing but I go with it, I don't really care if you like it or not but if you don't like it...you should go die jk...not really go die. Now your wondering "Well Mr.Archer how could this have possibly happened to you...you fag?" well I will tell you bitchass (not you hotness). During 8th grade when I was somewhat having a good life I got...curious in emo guys because I thought they looked good. So my one emo friend who I used to know well umm I started hitting on him and one day when I was at his house I kinda went at him and he just went along with it. So it honestly wasn't the worse thing in the world but I would never date a guy so I'm not completely bi. I btw have been bi for about two years and its not that bad, I can act totally gay (no offense) and make people uncomfortable which is funny to do but I don't really mean anything by it, I can also pick out hot guys, lol and in one case make others bi. Now something serious, hotness I'm never going to leave you, your too perfect inside and out to let go of, I want you forever, and no guy or girl is gonna change that. Me and you hotness are going all the way so try not to worry about my sexuality lol...oh and just to be funny because I think it's funny I'm gonna say this. I like boys :D

The news

So lately school has been fine, I think I'm passing all my classes which is good. My friends here are boring me and I need new ones to replace them (just kidding) but I would like some new friends. I have been very concerned with my health and I have started to stop drinking soda as the first step better health...yes I know I'm a twig of a guy but still. Also in my English class we are doing this class project based off the story of lord of the flies and so the class is stuck on an island and we have to survive by like making a society. So get this me, Hunter who is a 6 feet tall emoish cool dude, and Kevin my misguided pot smoking friend are the people in charge of the government...cool right? Oh something that I find interesting about myself umm I think government should be ruled by the military and by the people, I think that our government is just flat out stupid with the president and congressman and what not, pretty much they are all power hungry bastards. Not the ones like JFK or FDR though, they were cool, I wish they were here to lead this nation. Oh you know what would be a good idea...if the government would tax the rich big time but no the government lets the rich walk all over the little people. I find it funny that I never see a vote on who should be taxed more because I bet if we did have that vote the rich would be paying more then the poor ever will. Anyways I miss hotness a lot jeez I need to see her when Spring comes. It will be total silence when I first see her I know it so I have plan of using my badass charisma to break awkwardness in a second or 5000. Well first thing I'm gonna do is say hi and hug her and kiss her...problem is that I forgot how to kiss...crazy what one year does to you. Gotta wrap this up, I love you hotness and I will try to remember how to kiss before spring. Bye and bless your hotness.

Hotness is...

Angel or more commonly known as hotness to me is how you say...hot like very hot...like omg I wish I was that girls boyfriend hot...like holy shit shes way more hot then my girlfriend hot. Now her body to put it into a way simple terms is how you say perfect, perfectly sexy hot. Now if your thinking what I think your thinking your most likely thinking "Well Mr. Archer what makes you think that she is hot...we don't know that you stupid bitchface." well all you imaginary people I have an answer for you ahem...If you can't see she is hot you are fucking blind nuff said now get your eyes popped please. Once again to any guy out there that thinks you should hit on her...don't cuz you will be shot by me. So basically she's mine well I'm more hers cuz I just love her to the point she can get me to do crazy things. And with knowing that she is mine...her body is kinda mine too so I'm the most lucky guy ever because I got a girl that's hotness is like the rest of her...perfect. Now don't tell hotness this but umm her past boyfriends are not the most best at seeing perfection so their loss is my gain. And I could write a lot more but I gotta wrap this up so I will finish off saying this, hotness you have a perfect body and you should have sex with me often...I'm pretty sure I can say something like that in blog. Well whatever me and her are gonna have sex a lot...you know because were awesome like that and I'm pretty much her slut...yeah well I love you hotness.

The worse thing I have ever done

Might be stealing my angel from her boyfriend...actually it is the worst thing I ever done so far in my life. Do I feel like an asshole? Yes I do. Do I feel bad for her ex? Yes I do. Do I feel like I wronged her? Yes I do. Do I regret what I did? No I don't. I didn't plan on doing this the first time I met her, I wasn't planning this, I didn't even know it would turn out this way. But that doesn't make it right because this was evil of me, I feel like the worse guy on the face of the Earth. Honestly I'm not the type of guy that would ever do this in fact I looked as it as wrong and something that should never be done. But I made it right, I basically got her to stop trying with her boyfriend and take a bigger interest in me. I got her to cheat on him pretty much and I'm an asshole for doing so. But it's not like I was doing just because I wanted to just use her, I wanted her because I loved her, I care about her more then anyone including myself. I wanted her because I had nobody to love and nobody to love me, and with all the shit that happened in my past I think it's clear why I don't regret what I did. But still I'm a fucking rat who stole his friends girlfriend even if it was for good reasons. And it's not like I'm dragging her into this because I'm not, she can leave my bitchass if she want because she has that freedom. What really eats me is what could of happened, I could of fucked up her life more then I might be doing right now. Who knows maybe karma or some bullshit will catch up to me and she will leave me and hate me forever, I can see that because whats not impossible anymore? Whatever...I will do my best to love my angel, keep her, care for her, and one day marry her. I might be a stealthy girlfriend stealing rat but I love my angel. Hmm but I'm most likely gonna burn for this because I'm pretty much evil and deserve to die like that on asshole whose face I broke. Well angel if you want you can leave and try with gamer as you call him on here go ahead, it doesnt really matter I'm most likely gonna pay for what I did one way or another. Well goodnight angel...I 'm gonna go cry myself to sleep and think about how much of a asshole I am.

Heart versus Head

So most people have two thought processes from my point of view and those two are their heart and their brain. Now most people go about these two little thought processes living in harmony together...mine is different, mine goes to war with each other every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. What do my brain and heart go to war about well just about everything rather it be memories or current conflicts such as dealing with assholes everyday. But the thing that my brain and heart have the most war time on is my relationship which I always want to keep solid and unbreakable. Which leads to this, I can't leave angel, I can't dump her, it just won't work. But she can break up with me because she has that freedom unlike I do, I can't break up with her because it would kill me if I did, I love her more then anything, also she's perfect so it would be like flushing daimonds down a toilet. I want to think there is no way that we will ever break up but this is reality and reality has the power to make good things die right infront of you. And another thing, if my angel thinks I'm just gonna forget about her one day oh she has another thing coming...not to sound full of myself but I'm not like other guys who are blind to see the perfection that she is, heres my opinion on other guy ahem they are all fucking insane and blind. I do not plan on becoming like other guys so she's gonna have to break up with me and I don't think she wants to do that. So we are gonna be together a while and umm if other guys want to try getting her attention please do me a favor and back the fuck off or I will stuff your head in a meat grinder ^___^ okay well bye my angel because I know you read these, I lurv you!

The six and his lessons

Flashback a few years ago when I had girlfriends besides my angel, three exactly each bearing a message very similar but with a different meaning. Number one my first taught me to trust nobody because all people no matter how close might betray you. She herself betrayed me and from that my first lesson was learned. Number two my second  taught me that I shouldn't try to make a relationship work and that nobody should change for the sake of just being together. She and I were never meant to be together so that's how my second lesson was learned. And number three she taught me how much love is worth and that love can make you or break you. She died and I held her so close and her death nearly took me along with her so that's how I learned my third lesson. My three girlfriends here all used me to their advantage and got me to fight others for them, they all hated me, I just never knew so I loved them back. When I figured it out after they all ditched me I hated them especially the third because she scared my mind and I will never be the happy boy I once was. I hate everyone I keep them away and I'm cruel, cold, maybe even evil but it's not my fault because my hatred, cruelness, coldness, evil are all justified. But I'm not all bad because even though I emptied my own heart and pushed everyone away I still have room for one. For one year I went without someone to fill that one space in my heart and it ate away at me driving me to the edge. Then I met angel who filled that space and reminded me what life is worth. Me and her are going to be together forever and  life, people, time, distance, hell even she will not stop me from doing that. I'm good with her and that's not shit either, I wouldn't do anything that would harm her, she has my permission to kill me if I ever do, burn me alive whatever. Keeping me and her together, making her happy, keeping her safe...these are my objectives and if I fail I'm done. I'm not going to kill myself but I'm done with love, hope, happiness, all of that I will no longer give a damn about. And if she ever comes back to me I won't say yes because it wouldn't be the same as it once was. If I lose her once, I lose her for good but I will still be there as a friend just no longer a lover...I'm only going to win or lose and this war will be the last one I ever fight because this will be the war that decides my fate and future. It's all or nothing and I am going to fight for it all because I love her and past her is nothing.

I love, lvoe, lurv that girl

I really do but the question is why and the answer is obvious. She has nothing but intentions to go all the way with me and well that would be awesome. People may say it's not realistic and it's just a dream and will never come true and most of those people are in the hospital now. Although there are some people who are not worth putting in the hospital because they are just too stupid and not worth the effort. And life and the world might think it will be cool to delay me and her but umm I think that the world and life is stupid and you should ignore it because it will work out. And it will work out for me in her might not be perfect but it's what I want and what she want I guess. Well were not going anywhere and were not leaving each other and it seems that whatever life throws at us we can deal with. Just gotta play the damn waiting game and the emotional ups and downs hopefully, should be fun eh? Well hopefully that's the only price I have to pay for true love ughhh well only one way to find out. The chances of us getting married 100% the chances of us not-100000000000%, even more then zero percent. So pretty much me and her yeah it's gonna be all fine.

Saint of miracles hear me out

So some things could delay me seeing her in the future and some bad things could happen to her too. She tells me not to worry and I should take it easy. I guess she's right because she can handle herself and I know that she's stronger then I am. It might be a longer road to seeing her but luckily she will wait for me, yeah I will still be down a lot and I will be worrying because I can't help it but at least there's a light at the end of the tunnel. In the mean time I hope that doesn't happen and if there is any god answer my prayers for once because if it was any time for a nice little miracle now would be the time. Ughh life doesn't get any easier for anyone, I feel like I should make life into a person and kill it 115 times to make it feel like I feel and another 5 trillion times for all the people on this earth that are tortured. Also I contemplated suicide today the first time in a while but lucky for me I have my baby who has a way with words. I would have a bullet in my head or a machete through my heart if it wasn't for her, I love her so much it can be felt...yeah you can feel the love emitting off me.

Wondering about my loved one

I'm always thinking of her and when I'm not thinking of her I'm usually missing her. So it's a bit hard to stay in contact with my baby and it doesn't exactly do miracles to my sanity like I think life should stop being such a bitch and give me something reasonable. Two years until I get to be with her for a while and that's even if I can see her then but I'm striding forward hoping all the way. And right now I'm stuck here far away from her always wondering about how she's doing and hoping with all my heart that she's okay. Usually and it's an unfortunate truth she's usually not as happy as she could be and well neither am I but she's worse off then I am by a lot. And that's one of the reasons I'm with her is because of that so that she has someone around to dump raw emotions onto but that's not the main reason...I'm not really sure what the main reason is but I love her I know that much, I love her more then anyone and nothing gonna stop me from being with her except her or death and I mean that. But she doesn't really need me because in all honesty there are plenty more better guys that have big hearts and are looking for the best girl on the planet to love and care about. And that's the thing she doesn't really need me but I need her. If I lose her I know I will not be able to handle my emotions and my memories...hell even daily life will go down the tubes. And that's what scares me is if I lose her because TWO years until I can get to say I might have her for good but until then I worry because things change and know change and it knows me. Hahahaha and as crazy as it may sound and evil I will fight to keep her because I know my life will go strait to deaths door without her so pretty much if someone wants her that person is gonna have to kill me first. Ummm but I don't think it will come down to that, I think me and her will have a life together but until then I will be wondering about my loved one...

P.S. I love you baby and I miss you a ton.

Oh look your head is bleeding

So today my one friend Dylan and his friend Trent had a lovely talk today. Trent was talking about his girlfriend and I started talking about mine. I guess he was jealous that my girlfriend is WAY more awesome then his girlfriend that he thought it was a good idea to talk shit about my angel. Well in the past I always had a problem when people said something about my girlfriend, most times I broke into a nice hateful rage and beat them up to a certain point. So we were all standing around right near this nice door with a metal door frame and I thought "OH I can smack his head against this". So if he thought I was just gonna stand there and let him talk about my girlfriend like that...no, no, no I took him down to funky town and fucked him up. I punched him in the jaw and I slammed his head against the metal door frame...he dropped like a rock his head bleeding. Well that's what happened and I didn't even get into trouble because of it. The next bastard to say shit won't be so lucky let that be known. Oh and hotness I love you.

Perfection personified

I'm nowhere close to being perfect but I know someone who is and it happens to be my angel. Now if anyone was looking at this you would most likely be saying "oh how is she so perfect?" well if you read one of my past blog things you would understand. Let's see...she saved my life, she is always nice to me, she loves me, greatest personality ever, not a fake, has a heart, shows emotion, she looks amazing (that's why I call her hotness), oh and she actually gives a damn if I live or die, etc, etc, etc, the list goes on. Well she might not think she is perfect even though she is and I bet you people...even though nobody else reads this must think she is not perfect. Now...she is perfect but it take the certain type of person to really see that and it happens that those certain people are one in a trillion. You might not ever be able to see it but if you looked at her though my eyes you would understand why she is perfection personified. Did I mention I'm going to marry her? Because I'm going to marry her and it's going to be awesome...we are going to live our long and happy lives together. Every guy I know is going to be so jealous they are all going to be saying "I wish I had a girl as awesome as that" and I'm just going to say "yeah well you don't so take a step back". Ahem well yes it's going to be quite nice.

Blah blah blah ja?

So this post I'm going to just talk about my angel and what happened tonight...and maybe some other things. So tonight me and my angel had a total loving/awesome conversation and I have to say this might have been the best night of my life. At one point when me and my angel were talking my mom walks in and we start going off about love and getting married, it was very funny and made me smile so hard my jaw broke (not really). It would seem that my parents are okay with me marrying my angel and that makes me so happy and it just makes me want to...I don't know but it makes me very happy, I can't wait to marry my angel. In other news I'm writing my angel a letter to go along with her present for her birthday and the letter is going to be sweet. Also I am now thinking of getting her "a promise ring" and you can work out what that is so I'm not gonna go into detail but I will say this...the idea was introduced by my angel herself and it was a really good idea so I'm gonna look into it. And to end this rather nice post off I want to talk about my angel for a second...she is the number one thing in my life and how much I love her is something you cannot estimate. She gives my life some sort of meaning and a reason just to get up in the morning, shes all I have and all I want...she means everything to me and I will do anything for her. When we first met she knew nothing about me yet somehow she got interested in me and at the time I was going through a dark time and she helped me get through that. We became best friends and we shared a lot with eachother and back then I knew that I wanted to be in her life, I saw myself as her protecter/bestfriend but I wanted to be her boyfriend. Flashfoward to the present we are in a relationship and we want to get married...it's a dream come true. She is my one and only true love and I am going to marry her.

P.S. Like my post hotness?
P.S.S. I love you hotness!

Update on life here in my world

So school has been going good so far but I still don't want to be there because it just sucks doing the same thing everyday and dealing with the same stupid people all the time. Life here at home has been good as well even though my parents tell me all the time to do better in school which I try to do but it's harder then it looks for a guy like me. And as a present update currently I have been trying to figure out what to give my angel as a gift for her bday. And to wrap this post up with some personal stuff if you would like to call it that, so me and my angel are in a relationship of lovingness and it's awesome besides the fact we live miles away from each other but that means nothing because we are a good pair if I do say so myself. It's amazing how we met under a rather odd event...we were fighting but then somehow we started talking to each other and becoming close friends. And now we are in a relationship and well I don't plan on really giving her up and I hope she feels the same way which she might...right? Oh who am I asking that question to, I guess I'm just crazy anyways yeah were in a relationship and it's awesome. And as a total spoiler just to let nobody know because nobody will ever read this except one person but I'm going to ask her to marry me in college or that's what I plan to do (I'm a bit ahead of myself).

Goodnight nobody...well goodnight my angel because she will read this.

Good news and bad news

So I'm gonna start out this thing err post with the bad news...so the bad news is that school started and I hate school along with the large majority of the people that go to it because they are all a bunch of *@%$. And now for the good news...so at the first day of October (AKA the best month of the year) I get a phone that actually is good because it will be my birthday, I'm excited already. And there is also something of critical importance that I should say but I'm not so yeah, and I should say what should be said because it would not make this post look unimportant but I'm not gonna say anything about it unless I have clearance.

What might happen

Well just took a long look at my life and it made me angry so I don't know, might as well just say what's on my mind.So  long time ago when I was small I wanted to join the military, got older got a girlfriend I changed my mind, shit happened I wanted to join again, met someone and she kinda changed my mind but it's undecided.Honestly odds of me ever having a remotely good life is very bad, the odds of me enlisting are fairly high.I kinda wish died before I met my angel so I would have never left any mark on her life but I'm easy to forget so it would not matter probably anyway, I just wish me and her were living together as friends but it will be a while til that happens if it happens.Well if I never get to see her I hope that her life works out and she forgets about me, I know where I will be if that happens and hopefully it will end fast.

The day before yesterday

When I was born I was going to be named Angus but two people I never met changed that,aunt Anna and uncle Frank.It was more of my aunt I think she made the decision to name me Anthony after the saint Anthony who is the saint of miracles.I was religious when I was a child as my life went on things happened some for the better but most of it for the worse.I prayed for my father who is being used by the family but things never changed his health gets worse by each day,his father suffered the same way he does in fact his dad died right in front of him.My grandfather on my moms side of the family died when I was 8 or 10 he was a very nice man,he served in the military,I wish I got to know him better.My mother developed cancer and years off her life have disappeared.My family basically sees me as a failure and is always on my back.And a little over a year ago my 3rd girlfriend was killed and since then I have stopped believing my catholic religion,why? Because it seems that my hopes and prayers fell on deaf ears.The only thing that is left of my religious days is my name which lost its meaning when I lost my hopes.I do have one thing or objective left and it's the only thing that keeps me going,no one will ever get in my way of reaching my objective and protecting it.And I'm not crying about how my life is playing out,I know there are many people who have it way worse.But people who have terrible things happen to them can learn from the experience and maybe help others that suffer so we can all live a bit more happily.

My hells angel

So last year around winter time I happened to meet this girl through my one friend who is her boyfriend.So that day I was messing with him and she defended him which led to me and her having a war of words,I lost.And more or less right after the fight me and her talked a lot,we became friends,I trusted her,she trusted me.Okay before I go further I want to make clear that the time before and during the time I met her was a living hell for me,I was going through the darkest of my days because of my 3rd girlfriend passing away due to a car accident,during this time I wanted to die.Anyways one day I told my new friend about this and well she gave me good reasons not to blow my head off,I listened to her and things got better for me,she saved me from myself.Now in 2011 she and I are best friends and no one is going to change that ohh and if anyone tries to hurt her I will find them and make them wish they were dead.And if you want to know why I call her my hells angel it's because she is evil in a good way and she is a very wonderful person plus she saved my life...she's the best what can I say?

Imagination unlimited

As the title suggests this has to do with the imagination I have which is quite boundless.How is it boundless,well I can think up some pretty cool,crazy,or downright disturbing things in a second.A good example of this would be a story I'm writing which kinda sucks but if I gave the idea to someone good it could become a movie(maybe).So the main guy in the story is Archer a corporal in the U.S. army soon after his graduation he is sent to the Pentagon to test a piece of technology a teleporter.The teleporter sends him into the future where the world is nearing the end of a WWIII a war fought to unite the world.He takes command of a group known as Shadow Company an elite force that is fighting to unite the world.He leads the beaten tired army to a final victory at the remains of the White House.The years after the war he leads the way to rebuilding the ravaged world and making it fall under the Shadow Company Republics banner.He then starts to make teleporters for military use and he notices a problem,soldiers lose the ability to age which creates his massive military force.After the world is repaired and united as one he sends his army to worlds unknown via teleporter to discover new tech and also annex worlds under the banner of the SCR.The origins of the teleporter remain unclear.
This is not really full detail but it gives a small clue on the story.And since it's set in the future it can really go anywhere so it's boundless.Cool huh?

Trust

Who can you trust everyone you know can hurt you in some way?I ask myself questions like that quite often and it's hard to answer.I mean everyone can hurt you,your family,friends,and strangers can all hurt you.And if you do trust someone how do you trust show it?In my case I tell them things that they could in some way use against me or something that had a major impact on my life.I have only told one person just about everything and I hope I can trust her,she's my last reason to keep going.If I lose I can honestly say it's over.

A different kind of war

So alot of my ancestors fought in wars like WWII,Korea,and Vietnam.In one way or another someone in my family fought for something well the good ones.My dad tried to fight but got rejected by the military because of a bad heart.And me I fight a different kind of war,I fight for my friends.And in this war you don't fight alone and you don't play fair.And it may seem to be a a noble cause more or less but it's still a terrible way of dealing with things.But some of the things had to be done and i'm not proud of the things we did...but we fought for the right.I don't fight anymore though because there's nobody to really fight for here at least.

The story of me...well the important part

I was born October 1st at midnight in Patchouge,NY (I don't feel like mentioning the year).My parents are both great,my cousins who are awesome...and the rest of my family hates me and I hate them.So living on Long Island for your whole life with no true friends and with a family that hates you...it makes you hate the place,I hate this island and I can't wait to leave.My life was doing well until one day,my 3rd girlfriend deep sixed (died).I loved her more than anything and her death changed me but not for the the better.Certainly not for the better.So I got depressed or at least I think that's the way to describe it.It was bad at first balling my eyes out,than things changed I got really cold emotionally,after that was anger and I found a way to blame myself,and finally I didn't want to take it anymore I wanted to deep six myself too.But than I met someone who told me why I shouldn't deep six myself and I listened to her.After she told me why I changed again for the better this time.And now i'm just going on with hopes to get off this island and see a friend that helped me through my darkest hour.

About all this

So reason I am sitting here typing on about my life is because...well actually I have no idea.I guess I am making this for myself,my friend,and for anyone that gives a damn.So here I go people,wish me luck.