My life

Life, my life has been never what I wanted it to be, way back when I was little I remember all the bad and less of the good and how much I wanted things different. I was made fun of for the first time when I was four years old it has been that way all through my life. I kinda have gotten used to it, yeah the scars were left on my personality but I'm immune to words of assholes now. When I was in sixth grad I got my first girlfriend who broke up with me in seventh grade because she like someone else. My dad had heart attacks around this time I believe which I didn't really understand what they were at the time. My last grandfather died and it was the first time someone ever died in my life that was close to me, I was ten when this happened I think. Got my second girlfriend in eighth grad who broke up with me in a few months due to lack of interest. Ninth grade I got my third girlfriend who scared me for life and died in tenth grade. I got into some fights, became a twig, started wearing darker cloths, etc. I got depressed, angry hateful and I wanted to die. I met my fourth girlfriend who is my current girlfriend and she is loving me. I learned a lot about life, love, etc and I started making sense of things to the best I can. I'm trying to keep my girlfriend forever which seems to get harder and harder instead of easier. So much bad things can happen like that EMP or something else, I feel that the world is against me. I want to keep her, I don't want to be some phase, I want this to work. But as much as I want to make this relationship work, I just feel so uneasy about it. I want this to work out I won't be able to live with myself is something went wrong, I'm gonna make this work if it kills me. This relationship isn't some damn joke, it's real and I plan on keeping it that way. May God be with me, someone anyone, just wish me luck because this is not gonna be easy.