The voices

Why do you even try anymore? I mean you can't seem to do one thing right, everyone hates you and betrays you, you should end it before you screw up more.

Get your revenge and show them that they should have been better, they are evil, give them a taste of what they have done to you.

Give yourself a chance, your still young, you can turn your life around, one day things will clear up so don't lose hope.

They hate you and you should hate them right back, they are the enemy so why don't you treat them as such, give them hell.

If you can't be a family man then go out and make an actual difference, fight for what's right and protect your homeland so maybe then you will be loved.

I tell you these things are gonna happen yet you still go with it like they are actually going to work, listen to me for once and get your damn head out of the clouds, deal with your damn problems.

They never cared, I mean why would they, look at them, they all left you one way or another...you just were not ever meant to be loved.

Why can't I just live normally and not have this curse that makes me go crazy, this love thing is just so tiring, I wish I could make it all just go away.

I can't stop the fear, sorrow, anger, hate, insanity, pain, or any of those damn emotions. Wish those feelings would just stop.

I wonder, question, think, understand, go too far, lose control, and continue to think...and think...and think.

Stop thinking and understand this, you only have two choices, love or hate, life or death, peace or war, victory or defeat.

Which one?

Or is that choice not up to you?

Can you even say you control your own mind?

Are you a slave of life or are you just controlled by people that seek to control you?

Only you can control your destiny, only you can make yourself happy, you want to feel loved then get out there and get a girl that loves you.

Then again maybe your just condemned to repeat this history of defeats, maybe your just not to be loved.

Well are you gonna listen to me or are you gonna listen to you...then again I am you.

-Voices in my mind

Final words

With recent events I will not make anymore blogs so goodbye and fear the future, I will actually leave you with one last blog.

Square one...again, again, again, and again

I can't seem to stop ending back up where I started at square one. That place makes me feel like I'm the lowest form of the living ever to have been born into the this place we know as reality. That terrible place...square one has caused me pain beyond anyone I known has ever been through, one of the people I know comes close to knowing square one. But I know that place like it has been my best friend my whole life and it has to be honest. I have known square one forever and I was first introduced to it when I was four years of age, people made fun of me all the time and that made my heart harden and my hate grow early on in my life, my first taste of humans outside my own home was evil and it made me realize that life was no walk in the park. Then my girlfriends, numbers one, two, and three made me feel a pain that forever scars my inner being. I was cheated, betrayed, hurt, abused, forgotten, abandoned. And I knew they would do it to, that they would send me to square one, that voice told me to stop before it hurt me but I never listened to it. Square one slowly and painfully make me go insane, that pain I can't take, it's too much for me to deal with. Every single time I end up in that place it gets worse, at first it just made me feel hate upon others, made me naturally violent, made me hate myself, made me lose hope. Then my fourth girlfriend came along and got me out of that place, she was perfect, still is, always will be in my eyes. One day something happened and I thought that it would be good if I left her and it turns out I was wrong, every other time I should have backed out of my relationships but this one I shouldn't of. Leaving her might of been good for her but it wasn't good for me, I should have been greedy and kept her. I regret everything I said and I want her back, and my reason is because this mistake which happens to be the biggest one I ever made just sent me back to square one. I want my perfect girl back, take back what I said that night, get out of square one. If not then send me home because I know that if I can't have the most perfect girl that no other girl will work . I was stupid and if I can't fix this mistake then I deserve what square one is gonna give me, I will return home.

Hate and Hope

Two things that rule over how I work as a person. I am mainly very hateful of all people and I still do kinda, and then there is hope which is like a small fire in my heart that burns to keep me from losing myself. I hope that  angel keeps her promises and will go out with me in the future, I feel like I deserve that, I mean I did nothing wrong so it's not like I don't deserve it. And I hope me and my one friend here can work until I see angel again and when she goes out with me again...I hope. Because I really want angel, I want to marry her, have a life with her, family, all that. Only thing I hate is that Screamo guy aka my damn nemesis, as good as he might be he will have to fight me to have angel forever because I called her first. So bring it Screamo, try beating me, you have no chance, I was born to fight, you were born to play music...you do the math you fuckin rat.

Game over for now...

Well me and angel broke up and reason is that we are too far away and are gonna be waiting a while to be together. I did the breaking up part of it all which was not very hard but was not fun. She will now go out with that Screamo bitchass for a bit until I see angel in college. I will get my angel back and I will get my revenge on that asshole I promise that. I hope that angel keeps her promises she made me because I still want her as a love not a friend. Gonna be hard knowing those two are together...fucking pos bastard that he is. Well see you in the future angel and get ready to get stolen by me...all over again. And Screamo I hope you love what your future brings because your future is not gonna be with her as a lover that is. You better keep your promises angel because it's not gonna be you or me that's gonna pay for if you are gonna break them.

1000 miles away

From where the fight is, down there in that place I never seen, in that place where the one I love is, that place that gets me scared more then anything could. There's a threat that I can't take care of that I can't fend off this boy much like me is threatening my future as I know it. He is trying to steal the love of my life away from me, he may very well be able to do that. I'm not there to make a difference, to stop what is happening, all I have is words and no actions...this battle is an up hill fight for me. I'm screwed, I'm done, he's just as good as I am if not better, I can't stop him. My damn love as I know her has a damn crush on him even so what's it worth anymore, I knew this would happen and there is nothing I could do to stop it. Why did I even try? Why do I even try? I'm doomed, damned, cluster fucked, done. Where's my place in this world? I have been lead so many different directions I can't remember what the fuck happened to me, I'm fucked up so much my mind talks to me as if I'm a different person. I try to love people and all they ever did was betray, ignore, and use me as if I was there slave. I don't deserve to lose another, not this one, not to some rat. I love my angel too much, if I lose her she tells me I will live my life fine well in my mind I will go back to square one. I will be back to my ultra hateful, silent, sad, angry state of mind. I just want top be loved, is that too much to ask? Hotness if I lose you I won't be fine, I won't be sane, I won't feel loved anymore. All I want is to be loved, I was hated my entire life so far, nobody cares but my damn parents. You are the only other person that cares hotness. I want to be loved, I want to love you, I want to marry you, and live a life together with you. But so does he doesn't he? You might already be done with me and are just trying to think of a way to dump me softly well if that's the case then get it over with. If you want to be with him instead of me make your decision before spring because I don't want to see you if you love him. And if you do end up with him well have fun with him and forget you ever met me because the day you dump me will be the last day you ever hear from me ever again. Next time you will ever hear of me I will be a war hero so maybe then I will be loved and remembered. So hotness it's me or him so it's your choice but hey can you please just give me a chance? I won't ask for anything ever again so please give me a chance? I don't ask for much but it's up to you. I love you and I hope you will always love me back as lovers.

My life

Life, my life has been never what I wanted it to be, way back when I was little I remember all the bad and less of the good and how much I wanted things different. I was made fun of for the first time when I was four years old it has been that way all through my life. I kinda have gotten used to it, yeah the scars were left on my personality but I'm immune to words of assholes now. When I was in sixth grad I got my first girlfriend who broke up with me in seventh grade because she like someone else. My dad had heart attacks around this time I believe which I didn't really understand what they were at the time. My last grandfather died and it was the first time someone ever died in my life that was close to me, I was ten when this happened I think. Got my second girlfriend in eighth grad who broke up with me in a few months due to lack of interest. Ninth grade I got my third girlfriend who scared me for life and died in tenth grade. I got into some fights, became a twig, started wearing darker cloths, etc. I got depressed, angry hateful and I wanted to die. I met my fourth girlfriend who is my current girlfriend and she is loving me. I learned a lot about life, love, etc and I started making sense of things to the best I can. I'm trying to keep my girlfriend forever which seems to get harder and harder instead of easier. So much bad things can happen like that EMP or something else, I feel that the world is against me. I want to keep her, I don't want to be some phase, I want this to work. But as much as I want to make this relationship work, I just feel so uneasy about it. I want this to work out I won't be able to live with myself is something went wrong, I'm gonna make this work if it kills me. This relationship isn't some damn joke, it's real and I plan on keeping it that way. May God be with me, someone anyone, just wish me luck because this is not gonna be easy.

She is...

So sexy, I'm so happy to be her boyfriend I get on my knees for her and strip...yup I'm a slut.  She's got the most hottest and sexiest thoughts ever, they make me die a little. I'm her pet, I'm her boy, she owns me, I'm her property, she gets to do whatever she wants with me. I can't wait to see her sexy body doing things to mine ^___^ I feel like it's kinda bad to write this on here but wth. I'm so lucky to have her she's perfect in every way possible it make me want to die in a good way. I don't think I will be able to keep my hands off of her when I see her, I just want to play a little bit. Well  I gotta cut this short but the point is Hotness is the hottest girl evar and I'm hers forever. I love you hotness, please abuse my body often in the future byeeeeeeee.