A nightmare, a war, and a love

I created a nightmare for myself out of all the terrible things that i have gone through and all the things that are dark in nature. I have twisted these things inside me into something that is trying to kill me and has been trying to kill me for a while now. It's in me, in my head, it's me but it's not me, it's a nightmare that I can't seem to wake up from. I do battle with this thing inside me everyday and all night, it prowls my dreams and attacks my will to live, and many other things. I fire my guns at it and it fires its guns back at me, his shots land on me perfectly while my shots fall upon myself and the love of my life. The only way to help me is by one of two ways, somehow getting the nightmare out of me or ending myself. I'm trying to fight it as of now but I actually saw what it looked like. I'm kinda scared of it but it's only a bad dream...that's trying to kill me. It looks like me, bloody, eyes sunken in and white like a dead mans eyes, it screams in pain, sorrow, and anger, it holds a gun that is pointed at me, it's all black and white too. I hope I can kill it before it kills me...