A life that needs a meaning to live

I'm not one to say if what I have done were the right things or the wrong ones. I'm not to say if I am god or evil nor am I to say if I deserve things. In my eyes my life has no meaning or reason and I'm not the one to say if it does deserve a meaning to exist. I'm not sure what I was placed on this world for, sometimes I wonder if I was evil in some past life because my life how it is now is not well...It never really was well in the first place. Maybe it was my own fault the way things are for me, I've lied, been abused, and lost control of my will to live. All the wrongs I've done as little or big as they are all came back to strike me down when I was my weakest. I now survive with only one thing that allows me to live...Her. Who is she and why does she have the power to grant me life or death? The answer  is simple, a while back she twisted all the bad in life and made what little good things in life be the things that shined most brightly in the dark shell that used to be a humane heart. She was my savior, she saved my life, and from there on out I was all for her. I fell in love with her sooner or later and she was in love with me, we had a strong relationship, I thought it was unbreakable...I was wrong and I regret making that mistake. We separated and she went out with this other guy but they didn't work out very well. Now her and I act like we are together but we really are not, I am all for her still but I don't know if shes all for me completely. I trust her but all these other guys are not really helping me keep thinking she's mine completely. She has my life in her hands and I hope that she doesn't ditch it and let it die. I hope that things will work out but I fear the worse everyday and she doesn't know it but I feel like nothing...I don't deserve to live unless I have her. I wish I could call her my girlfriend once more, I wish everything was good, I wish she knew that I really can't live without her...She's my whole meaning to live.